My co-worker, Ron, pointed out to me that he's noticed that I never follow through with any ideas that I discuss with him. I keep talking about making a video with him at work, but I never quite do it. He's also expressed a bit of disappointment by the fact that I never finished his book that he wrote, Making Happy.
I've spent a long time trying to understand why I procrastinate, and today while I was working out, it hit me: I procrastinate because I'm afraid that my decision will not be perfect enough. I have a deep dread of making things that are not good enough. This dread prevents me from finishing projects. Being mediocre is my worst nightmare. By not finishing anything, I do not have confront this dread head on and I get to live in a deluded fantasy of being perfect.
This brings me to some positive news in the procrastination department. My car dealership, Hendrick Toyota Merriam, is currently having a Happy Dance video contest and I'd been putting off making a video for weeks. I had a lot of video ideas swimming around in my head, but I was determined to make one last Sunday. A conversation with my boss solidified my resolve to actually finish it. This contest is open to anyone, so you could enter it as well. The prize money is pretty substantial, with $500 going to the most creative and $500 for the most popular as well as other amounts.
After I had finished the video and it was on Youtube, sure enough the old dread returned and I began picking apart my video and coming up with alternative shots that would have made the video better. At work while some of my coworkers were watching it, I had to run away, feeling sick to my stomach, painfully aware of the flaws in the video.
Completing this video is a reminder that I need to let go of the choke-hold I have over my personal growth. I'm going to try to finish everything that comes my way and let go of the hypercriticism that has dominated me for years.
To see the video in question, click here:
Oh, and vote for us if you want to help me win $500!
Thanks to everyone who has already voted for us!